This is crunch-time at Portfolio Center—one more week of classes before the start of studio week, followed by critiques. Inevitably, as the quarter wraps up, students begin to panic. Not only do they question whether they’ll be able to complete their numerous, challenging projects, but, having been pushed to the breaking point, they often take the questioning even further, asking if they have what it takes—if they’re smart enough, talented enough, if they belong. As the saying goes, if I had a nickel for every time I heard…

So I share with you just such a correspondence. The note is from one of my Design History students, and my lengthy response is for her, as well any of you entertaining similar doubts:

Hank. I was just thinking tonight, I’m not sure if I really fit in. I know I shouldn’t care if I fit in or not with the students at PC, but sometimes I feel so distant and on another page. I guess I’m just having an emotional night, analyzing everything too much. I’ve been an athlete all my life, and that was my life, my passion. I came to PC and now I am surrounded by so many intelligent folks that sometimes I feel somewhat overwhelmed and feel intimidated to even speak up. I remember your Vince Lombardi quote and the only thing that I remember is that character is far more superior than intelligence. Is that even true? Do you believe in that? Just had a bad night and needed to vent to someone.

See you tomorrow. aud

Dear Audrey,

Contrary to your fear you had a bad night, I think you are in a very good place—even though it is hard to see this moment. (You know, often we look but we just don’t see… been a while since you’ve heard that, huh?) Here is simply another opportunity to challenge yourself. And, communicate, communicate, and communicate. Often the quietest, most sensitive people are the best actors. I heard or read once that “the actor is an emotional athlete.” What is it you so enjoy as your own avocation but soccer!. So, if you become the actor in the work you are, then the work you do becomes an extension of YOU.

Audrey, tonight you were passionate, open, and vulnerable—all the best things. I would share the values of the author, E.L. Doctorow whose opinions have always meant a lot to me and might mean something to you in light of your feelings tonight: It is not the critic who counts, nor the man who points out where the strong man stumbled, or where a doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man in the arena whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs, and who comes up short again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause. The man who at best knows the triumph of high achievement and who at worst, if he fails, fails while daring greatly, so that his place will never be with those cold timid souls who never knew victory or defeat. To that, I might add: climb up on that stage and act, and do it when you are the most sensitive and scared— it’ll become the stage for your greatest, most authentic work and self.

It takes many times trying… not once, or twice, but maybe four, maybe five, maybe ten times or twenty times… be brave! Abide in a sense of perseverance… for it will be these many attempts that will cultivate your character. Keep your sights upon what is in your power, yet envision what is even beyond that.

Prepare for the best of times and the worst of times, the victories and the defeats. Then do it all over again- not so unlike you did in the time of your former athletic endeavors (those times were a good preparation for where you are now). Recognize each time the opportunity is a best journey… for you are indeed among a very small and lucky group of students, so fortunate to be where you are.

Go ahead—be pissed, be intimidated, be overwhelmed, feel it all… but don’t be blinded… consider the future! always future!

Again, as I suggested recently: The greater the conflict, the greater the change. Conflict is where the magic is.

We resist conflict while on our quest to be constantly led, courted, fed, acknowledged, pampered, and accepted socially—so much that we often will allow or even welcome some creeping mediocrity, or even a deferring of what the true pursuit of personal happiness might be. If we resist the norms instead, though, Change can come, and it is possible by embracing truth and coming to a center.

It is never about a job, Audrey. It is about what a life can become… and, that is what is important. Believe! and the dream will be yours. Not long ago, on a Saturday morning, a young lady came all the way from Tennessee just to have lunch and tell me of her success, as now she ihas begun her own firm after several years in New York, and then SF… Her business has been quite profitable even in the short time she has been in Nashville. Better than that, if gives her joy.

And, I would share with you, a gift received not long ago from an alum, which came with a note saying, “I want to give you this because it is what Portfolio Center is all about.” The words were of Maya Angelou— but, perhaps they were who he is now—and you as well — Not everything you create will be a masterpiece, but you get out there and you try and sometimes it really happens. The other times you’re just stretching your soul.

All form comes from wonder (Ever heard this?), and if you wonder, and wonder, and wonder, and wonder all over again and again, then all that wonder might develop a voice that is yours, and that might be wonderful! Tania once sent me something she had read by Dan Rather, the former CBS news anchor: The dream begins, most of the time, with a teacher who believes in you, who tugs and pushes and leads you on to the next plateau, sometimes poking you with a sharp stick called Truth. I do hope the poke is just that, dear Audrey; and, the ideal of truth might be your future… such that you might realize just how empowering and engaging YOU are, and what it is you have to share — Hey! that poke might suggest how this education from Portfolio Center will indeed prod you into a best future.

We can’t know all the answers at once, Audrey, but we can constantly seek them, and we can be ready to put them to good use when they come. As Robert Frost said, We sit around in a ring and suppose, but the Secret sits in the middle and knows. Hope this helps as you move forward. I can’t wait see what you come up with today or tomorrow as you get into all your thoughts.

I believe in you so very much and what your future is going to become and consider it an honor to be able to be one small part of it. I am proud of you.

Hank.

Trackback.