Featured - Anne Elser
Hank Richardson Interviews Anne Elser’s Dog, Bjorn
As Imagined By Zack McDonald
HANK: Bjorn, so nice of you to join me for a Triple Espresso-Grande-White-Chocolate-Vanilla-Cinnamon-Double-Cappuccino-Frappuccino-Mocha. And thank you for agreeing to talk a little about your mother, Anne Dusenberry.
BJORN: Bark (Thank you for having me Hank – but I’d like to clear up a couple of misconceptions. First of all, she is not my mother. My mother lives with Neal Boortz. Furthermore, Anne is no longer a Dusenberry. Her name is Anne Elser now, Hank. I think you know that.)
HANK: Let’s get down to the tough questions. Is it hard, being a dog? And can you intersect your exploration of that subject with some aspect of Dadaism to create a third environment?
BJORN: Woof (Hank, I came here today to talk about Anne, not to relive my childhood traumas. So, I’ll just pretend you asked me, ‘Hey Bjorn, can you tell me a little about Anne’s teaching style?’ What a great question! Anne tries to be the teacher she always wished she had. Someone who listens and inspires. Someone who gets the students excited about design. She sets up the parameters and guidelines for the class and then, basically, lets the students run the show. As she puts it, ‘I just add a little yeast and see what happens.’ But she clearly expects them to perform, and if they disappoint her, they’re liable to receive one of her infamous e-bombs. I hide under the sofa when she’s writing those.)
HANK: Speaking of hiding, does Anne have any of the books from my office at her house? Don’t lie. I can tell when dogs lie. My copy of Mechanical Bride went missing in 1996, which is, coincidentally, the year Anne graduated.
BJORN: Arf (Why, I’d love to talk more about what goes on in Anne’s class, Hank. You are on fire with these questions! When Anne gives an assignment, most of the time, she could care less about whatever the subject is. For her, the exciting part is what each student brings to the project. For instance, her ‘God’ poster assignment isn’t really about God. It’s about the individual who is creating the poster. Anne believes that everything a designer creates is a self-portrait. Isn’t she brilliant? Anne’s classes are very hands-on. She has these “quicky� assignments where, for instance, everyone has to make something meaningful out of cardboard. Sometimes she sends students out to gather rocks and sticks, and then they dip those into ink to draw or write. She’s all about experimenting with unusual tools and mediums to spark ideas.)
HANK: Are you hiding any of my books? Hold on; I’ve got to take this call.
2… hours… later…
BJORN: Grrr (I have to tell you, Hank – and I’m not just saying this because she feeds me cheese and lets me sleep on her pillow – Anne is an amazing instructor. She never lords over a class but, rather, leads it and guides the students to lead each other. I love watching her interact with the students every day. Although, I will admit, sometimes while she’s teaching calligraphy, I take a nap in my little bed. Which reminds me—how many classes is Anne teaching these days—seven or eight? Don’t you think we—I mean she—should have her own room?)
HANK: So tell me, doggie, what’s your favorite thing about Anne?
BJORN: Yelp (Hank, you’re slipping. You actually asked me a valid question. Well, there are obviously a lot of things I like about Anne, besides her cool shoes. She’s smart and honest and kind. She helps her students learn more about themselves and helps them grow not only as designers, art directors and writers, but also as human beings. She believes in design, and she believes in Portfolio Center. But my absolute favorite thing about her is her work ethic. She gives 100% to everything that she does, whether it’s knitting a sock or creating an award-winning annual report for the Juvenile Diabetes Foundation. The reason her classes are so successful is because she works extremely hard and she demands that her students work equally hard. Some get a little upset at first, the way I did when she was teaching me to dance. But, without fail, they always end up thanking her for helping them become their best selves.)
HANK: Final question, Cowboy – How long did it take your mother to knit that little green sweater of yours?
Bjorn: Ruff (I’m sorry, did you just ask about the differences between Portfolio Center now and when Anne was a student here? Well, for one thing, when Anne was a student, you wore a teal and magenta wind suit every day, which might come as a surprise to those who’ve never seen you in anything but black shirts and khakis. Actually, you two came in around the same time, and she credits you with bringing enormous energy and excitement to the school. She always reminds me that you helped transform PC from merely one of the best schools in the country to a place where people from all different backgrounds come to learn how to change the world. That’s why I don’t bite you.)
